Heartache to Heart-Take

Heartbreak- making a part out of a whole,

Finding light in a hole,

I've been driven by love, I hunt for kindness

I search for a heart as whole as mine, temporary blindness..

I stand with arms wide open, won't anyone listen!

I've knocked on too many doors,

With no one wanting to open,

Opening only for a moment and shutting it for all eternity

I've had people make trick doors, doors that lead me into a maze that I can't get out of.

I've had the best of the worst, pain that digs deep and imaginary that vanishes into thin air when reality strikes!

What drives me to hold on?

Is it my want for a better tomorrow?

Is it my want for my own happiness?

I want to make a positive impact in my space, in someone else's space.

I also want to protect myself- I am scared,

I cover myself with fear from head to foot.

Waiting for someone to come and rescue me,

Revelations are made with every new thorn pierced,

I ask myself why I pierce myself,

Do I enjoy the pain? Do I enjoy experiencing an engagement with every new happening?

Do I enjoy the feeling of betraying myself and then making myself realize?

I can easily say, "I don't know why they do it to me!"

But I have made a resolution to myself that I can handle it all,

That I can open doors and close them whenever I want to.

Falling makes me a fool, but drives my inspiration.

It's difficult to trust, but I let it be - sans thinking sans wanting... just being!

They say once bitten, twice shy;

I say once bitten twice high;

Every time I fall into the trap I know how to use it better;

Let the trap be a tool to sharpen my voice, sharpen my responses.

And then make a new beginning.

Feelings give messages. They call me to consider and not ignore.

Commitment to anything starts with inclination, so I am tending towards a smooth continuous flow

Wanting to reach that awesome, absolute!

I keep life interesting, knowing that I’m capable of more.

I have to break the loop in my search for validation.

I have to stop asking for permission.

The fuel that keeps me going is God's love.

I have been given the controls given the keys,

But I am held by a higher force, every step of the way.

That's why my falls always remind me that God is my strength.

Life urges me to experiment and explore;

The thought attached is that even if I’m scared, someone's got my back!

I'm not a victim anymore because I know that I'm already saved. 

God's always there. I don't need to believe it. I know it :)